so what

i am getting sick just in time for christmas. gd. fshuifsehufisdk.
tonight, i was waiting for something to do, planned to go downstairs to clean my room or something. i made it to my bed, sat down and decided i was tired. next thing i knew my dad came in my room asking what i was doing. you know how you wake up so abruptly and your brain is forced to immediately function & you think you are doing okay and normal until you are thinking about it later and realize that nothing you said made sense?..yes well that's what happened. my poor body is pushed to its limit all the time. longest 20 years any anatomy has ever faced. it is 2:07 in the am on december 23. tomorrow is christmas eve??! it feels so weird. and today i felt like such an adult, it was strange. i do not know why. i am so good at my job & making big tips is doooope. i dislike eosinophilic esophagitis. i could never win a food eating contest, that's for sure. i would just take bite 1 and choke. loser. i really want to go to gold's gym, so i guess i should get that in the works. besides that...all i know is i am tired and i might actually lay down and fall asleep tonight. that never happens so i should seize this opp.

and yes, i do know that i said the white skin part twice in my last entry. so what

dolla dolla bill ya'll

so...
i don't like any kind of cherry chapstick because it makes my lips hot & numb.
i have perseverance issues when it comes to things that cause me stress.
i have a new investment & i must now save up 319 dollas and quickly.
i feel tired a lot lately but causes and solutions have been identified.
i like to drink water at room temperature...or it hurts my teeth.
i have the most white skin out of all the people i know.
i have insomnia-it's time to reset my inner clock.
i need new stress reduction techniques.
i got the most stupid fortune today.
i want long hair back.
i miss dancing.
i love cut off sweats.
i need an exercise plan.
i never scream when i am frightened.
i cannot stand the look or feel of dry skin.
i have the most white skin out of all the people i know.
and i am way too tired to type anything else right now. goodnight.

+/- & some idiots.

i always hope.
even though i know better and i always advise other people against hoping.. hope is always hope of the wrong thing. we should instead picture the worst scenario & hope for that because 9 times out of 10 it'll turn out better. disappointment is close to the worst feeling one can experience & having high hopes and expectations always surrenders you to the notorious feeling of disappointment.
i also find this fascinating... "don't fuck me over, please and thank you" : a statement used by an individual who, in fact, does exactly what they ask others to not do. that doesn't even make sense. what is funny, though, is being on the end that is being f-ed & having things turn out 12894378940 times better than if the pre-fcked plans would have been carried out. oliver is officially my 80s night partner...he is da best.
& currently-i am listening to dawson mccallister try to give answers to life's many hardships to the poor souls who are calling in. i kind of think it's hilarious. my hair smells like smoke del cigarettes in an 89 year old man's house that has been chuffing since he was 13 + moth balls that are never cleaned up since his wife left him for making her smell like his ciggie smoke. yum!
my plan for tomorrow includes: taking a jog on the good ol' treadmill (which most likely won't happen because i always say it & never do it), finishing my laundry, applying the ornaments to the c-mas tree (good thing i put it up like 6 freakin days before christmas), & reading the rest of my book before i go to fulfill many people's coffee fantasies at 4 o'clock.
oh and lucy is turning my radio on and off at her own discretion.

i love being alive!

p.s. harrison ford is a babe...even if he is an old fart.

i think i am in the christmas spirit...
or something like it. i must be, because everyday i feel immensely stressed but i have a final today, a math one even...and i don't feel all that stressed. the future of my puny existence relies on how well i do on this test and my biology one tomorrow at 8 in the am...but the more i worry, the worse i do i think. anyhow...i am wearing jasmine vanilla aromatherapy on my skin today. b&bw is the best, they sure do know what they are doing. maybe that is another reason i feel calm today.. & i am addicted to my yoga pants. i live in them. my new motto is comfort...with everything...scents, colors, clothes, hair, words, music...i'm just doing what gives me comfort. i think this includes filling up my month with hot tubbing w/jesse & the boys. (since it's always a sausage fest...good thing i get along with boys really well). i am also ready to hit the slopes, and have some fun times with jo again. those were the days for real, my friend. & i miss my apartment, and my aly and doing crazy stuff always & laughing so hard it hurt. taking our matresses out into the family room, watching into the wild and alysser listening to me cry for two solid hours after the movie and talk about how bad i am a failure at life (hahahaha it's funny to us now). being naked just because i could (alyssa has the picture of when she caught me naked sitting at my desk). making snow angels at 4 in the am in the parking lot. scraping the shitttt out of the passenger side of my car. 7-11 & taco bell. making a jungle gym in the hall. having wars with the rhinos that lived upstairs (stupid ariel & her rolling backpack at 7 am). never on sundays at pizza f. cleaning oliver's apartment for hours so they don't fail the cleaning check. having such a bad stomach ache i had to crawl from another building & through the parking lot to get back to my apartment on the 4TH FLOOOR. going to walmart for some cold medicine at 2:30am & having chest pains so bad i thought i wouldn't make it home...but i did and luckily caleb and sam were there with caleb's iphone so he could google my symptoms...and caleb starts jumping up and down telling me i was having a heart attack and to take some aspirin hahahahahahahha. contest with sam on new years to see who could kiss the most guys (that failed). trying to make a cast to pretend my arm was broken w/ devo (all we got out of that were pink plaster chunks all over the apartment). getting the cops called on me for being loud in my apartment (because chad is a dick) when i wasn't even at home, what an idiot. breaking my wrist over nikki's head and ripping out a chunk of her hair. going to jer's hockey games and always ihop after. and plans to make a man cake for my birthday with jer's mom and sister. oh and BEAN DIP WARS w/aly...there's so much that i miss about that place & so much i am glad to be without. memories make everything in life worthwhile.
we have no christmas lights up at my house yet. in fact, our tree is not yet assembled. i know what my job is the rest of this week. also, i'd like to say that i am the best sister in the world. just ask my little sprout for a sibling.

:)

every morning (or afternoon...oops) when i wake up, i peek out my blinds to see if it has decided to snow yet. up until today i have just been disappointed to look out and see no mounds of that shimmering, white beauty. oh how wonderful was today. this weather is my favorite. & while everyone else is sliding off the roads because they are either an ignorant, crappy driver or because their car is rear wheel drive...i will be safe and cozy traveling in my favorite car, my subaruuu. p.s. i am in search of plain black seat covers. if you know where i can get them, help a sista out.
also, i am pleased to say that i found a new job...again, yes...this time i believe i will be happy with it and staying there for quite some time. it's a coffee shop called janna's java. dave, the owner, is dope and we get along well already. there's a work christmas party at his house on december 19th and i am oddly excited. but so anyway, come by and let me make you some coffee. speaking of christmas...this christmas season has seemed odd, and december sure did sneak up.
but just so you know...biotin does work and my hair is growing rapidly and gas station hot chocolate gives me a stomach ache.
oh and i have just been informed that apparently i think 'globally'.