so, update.

no park. no picnic. just got sick.

last night, thought i was going to do nothing, but ended up with marcus & tyler.

fun, spontaneous. took lots of pictures. thought it was a good night.

woke up this morning...thought to myself, i'm going to post those pictures up on facebook. WRONG-O. no camera. M.I.A. now i am freaking out, already done crying all i can cry, now i have to wait for response from ty so i can see if i left it at his parents house. crossing my fingers....tightly. oh i am panicked. and so sad.

mmmm.

let your soul stand ajar, always ready to welcome the ecstatic experience. -emily dickinson.

i will have some free time tomorrow. i think i will take myself somewhere. perhaps a park or something. read, think, calm myself. be in the company of me. yes, sounds good. pack a picnic. take my big park blanket. hmmm. if all else fails and the weather does not cooperate, i will hop in the back of the subie. after all...it IS a subaru. my baby. (all beautiful once again)

i picked up vitamins today. i suspect that i am deficient in b12. as soon as i lay down, i will know if that was the problem...because the tingling will either be there or not be there. cross your fingers. i think i will be able to sleep soundly tonight. let's just have the same certainty that i will wake up when my alarm beckons.

i think i need to work more. no. i know i need to work more. because my hour cut is NOT giving me the same resources that my old hours once gave me. stupid freaking pity jobs for pity-seeking people who screw everyone else overrrr in their search for push-overs.. grrrr. i guess she needs it more than i do, and i will be kind and possibly passive in these circumstances. maybe some sort of opportunity will arise and i will be given a better position. i will have hope and faith.

john b. sheerin said this...

happiness is not in our circumstances, but in ourselves. it is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. happiness is something we are.

beautiful, i know.

how do we nurture our souls? by revering our own life. by reaching the best within ourselves. by taking chances and stretching our boundaries. by leaping into the unknown. by going places we've never been. by having faith and staring down our fears. by embracing our special uniqueness. by doing things for the fun of it. by slowing down, so the important things can catch up. by breathing in wide-open spaces. by walking in nature's wildness. by appreciating each day, moment by moment. by learning to live it all, not only the joys and triumphs but the pain and struggle. by giving more than we take. by being there for others. by making a difference. when we are living a life we love, our souls are singing and dancing.